21.4.14

Why I don't want to put a ring on it...


There comes a certain time in ones life that if you are in a relationship and nearing the age of ::coughs: 30 people will start asking about marriage. As if that's the only thing I think about as a woman. It's weird because 2 years ago marriage and engagements were a thing that seemed so far from my grasp that I never put in any thought to the whole institution but now not only are my family asking but also close friends of mine. As the last two years have gone by, my partner and I have talked about our futures together and we agree on a lot of things when it comes to marriage. We both don't want a public ceremony as its a waste of money and we are not the religious sort. I don't want a diamond ring because I don't want that kind of responsibility of taking care of a diamond. I can barely take care of the 3 wine glasses I have left of a 4 pack I got last year (One of them committed suicide a few months ago). I also don't want to wear a white dress since A. I don't look good in white and B. The whole idea behind a white dress is archaic and just not for me. The only thing that we didn't agree at was the proposal. The idea of proposal to me is odd. We are partners in so many aspects in our lives but when it comes to making the decision of marriage he holds the "power". So many of my friends have confided in me about "how they wondered when their boyfriends would finally pop the question," and it never occurred to me until recently how misogynistic this tradition is. Now I know it may sound like I'm attacking those who follow these traditions but I'm merely saying that is not what I want from my relationship. We have joked in the past about how he would propose but it was all joking until this weekend. 

This past weekend we celebrated our 2 year anniversary and during our 4 hr drive to St. Louis I brought up the idea of a mutual engagement. At first he gave me a look like I was talking gibberish but when I started to explain my thoughts on engagement and how it seems unfair that it was his decision alone of the when and how he began to understand. Now for the record, we are not engaged but we did agree that when it was right we would both agree on our engagement. I think it gives too much power to men in relationships and such an important decision should be made together and not sprung on someone or held over one's head like a bone for dog. You wouldn't buy a house without consulting your significant other so why decide to spend the rest of your life without talking through it. I think also many women out there pine over engagements instead of focus their attention on other things or in my experience they use at as a tool against men. Marriage to me (since it does involve religion for us) is more of a legal agreement than anything else.  It all sounds so technical and unromantic coming from a self-proclaimed romantic but it just how we both feel. 

Romantic or not, we both are equals when it comes to our relationship. 

Also why is that women are always asked about when their getting married like it is up to a woman to rise to occasion rather than both parties? 

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